In Quiet Moments, I Write to You

Letters to my embryos: Lives paused, love endless. Stories of me, for the day you join my world.

Letter #1 – January 5th, 2025

My name is Julia Adaline DeFoor Reynolds. I’m named after both of my grandmothers. Julia is from my paternal grandmother, and Adaline is from my maternal great grandmother. My father is John DeFoor, which is why I kept DeFoor as a middle name when I married your father, TJ Reynolds. My mama, Darlene DeFoor, had your uncle Matt at 28 years old, and me at 32 years old. Unfortunately, your granny DeFoor passed in May of 2024. I’m now unable to ask her all of the questions I hope to answer for you in these letters.

This is a new experience for me, writing letters to the ether, so to speak. I’m not sure where to begin or end. What I do know is that in every quiet moment I experience during the day, all I can do is dream of what it will be like when you’re finally here with me. What it will be like to be your mama. I dream of watching you run and play in the yard. I dream of what you’ll look like, if you’ll have red hair like your dad or blonde like mine; blue eyes like his (I hope) or hazel like mine and your granny DeFoor’s. So many things about you cross my mind every day. I hope that in writing these letters I can tell you those things, and things about myself as well.

Your dad and I are doing our best to buy a home this year so that you’ll have a wonderful, loving, and safe place to grow up. Even though you aren’t going to be brought into this world in a conventional way, we want you to have wonderful lives. IVF was hard, but to make all 11 of you (potentially 17- that depends on how many of you surprise us as twins) we would’ve travelled to hell and back if we’d had to. Never question if you were made out of obligation. We wanted you more than anything. That sentiment stands to this day and every day; until and after we hold you for the first time. Never, ever, forget that we want you. We love you so much already as we will for the rest of our lives. You may not have drawn your first breaths yet, but you are our children. You are my babies from my body. A gift I’ve dreamed of since I was a child. I hope to write you at least one letter a week. Whether it’s random things that went through my head that day, or what your dad and I are up to.

I’ll write again soon.

With all of my love,
– Your Mama


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